Monday, 20 September 2010
Rumplestiltskin, by Tom and Lilly
Once upon a time, there was a very boastful mechanic who had a beautiful daughter. One day, after being insulted by the local baker about his ‘lowly’ profession, he wanted to show the town that he and his daughter were better then anyone. He updated his status of facebook; “I have the most brilliant daughter in the world, she has the ability to spin copper wire into gold. LOL!”
An hour later, the mechanic got two emails to his iPhone; one read ‘King Dave liked your status’. The other said ‘King Dave has sent you a private message.’ The mechanic was thrilled with all the attention he had received from the most prestigious man in all of Macbookshire.
Later that day, the mechanic decided to log into Facebook to see what King Dave had sent him. The message read “Yo, I was wondering if your ever so talented daughter could pop up to my mansion. I’ve got some copper wire lying around, and tbh, I’d rather have gold lying around, tehehehehehe ;) Send her up tomorrow at 6pm, King Dave.”
As the King had asked, the mechanic sent his daughter to the mansion at 6 o’clock, on the dot. “I want you to prove this talent your Father is posting online. If he is lying, you shall be banished from Macbookshire, forever.” The King stated as he lead her through the mansion. They arrived at a wooden door, on an isolated corridor, that when opened revealed a room almost full with copper wire… and one spinning wheel. “You have until tomorrow morning to spin this copper into gold…”, and with that, the King left.
The daughter broke down into tears, realising that herself and her father would be banished; no-one would be able to turn copper into gold. Then suddenly, a strange looking, short man jumped onto the window sill. “Who are you?!” cried the daughter, startled by this stranger appearing. “Are you a dwarf?”
“No,” exclaimed the man, “I am vertically challenged, thank you very much. And I am here to help you, so if you could stop insulting me for a second, I’ll explain.”
The ‘vertically challenged man’ offered to help the daughter by spinning the copper into gold, but only in exchange for goods. The daughter gladly agreed, she’d give anything to help her father, and so decided that she would give up her cherished Blackberry phone to ensure her father wouldn’t get banished.
After a long night of watching the ‘vertically challenged man’ work, the daughter listened for King Dave’s return while the last of the copper wire was being spun. After a while, the door swung open and King Dave entered. “My God, your father wasn’t lying. I’m going to make a fortune of ‘Cash4Gold’.” The King ordered that the daughter stay in the mansion another night, and after feeding her, he lead her to another remote room, even bigger than the first, where there was twice the amount of copper wire than the first night. “You have until midday tomorrow to make me gold.”
Although there was more copper wire, the daughter was not worried, as she trusted that the ‘vertically challenged man’ would be back again to help her. Sure enough, at midnight, he appeared on the window sill once more. This time, the daughter exchanged her iPod for the ‘vertically challenged man’s’ gift. After 12 hours of solid work, the King burst into the room once again, and was delighted with what the daughter had produced. King Dave, once again, commanded that the daughter stay for one more night, as he only had a little bit more copper wire left. She was locked in the same room as the night before, and for hours, sat waiting for the ‘vertically challenged man’ to come to her aid. Right on cue at midnight, he emerged, and asked what the daughter had to exchange.
“All I have is my laptop, but I’m following Justin Bieber on Twitter. I can’t give it up!”
Seeing how distraught the daughter was at the thought of giving up her laptop, he agreed that she could keep it. “However, you must promise me one thing…”
The daughter nodded, encouragingly. “…I want your first born child.”
The daughter gave a sigh of a relief, and happily gave into his whim, thinking ‘I’m not having children anytime soon.’ The next morning, just as the ‘vertically challenged man’ was leaving, he added “Oh, by the way, follow me on Twitter at iwantyourfirstchild.twitter.com”. King Dave then crashed excitedly through the door. “You are the most amazing women I’ve ever known; I need you… to marry me. Please.” Knowing how rich the King was, and knowing the status she would receive, she accepted immediately, hoping that the King wouldn’t be alive for too long seeing as he was quite old.
After a year of dismal marriage, the Queen gave birth to a baby boy. A week after the birth, the Queen was sat with her baby, waiting for King Dave to return home from mouse hunting, when someone started thumping at the door. The Queen opened the door, and at first, saw no-one. However, after a purposeful cough, she looked down to see the ‘vertically challenged man’. “What are you doing here, kind sir?”
“Why, I am here to take what is rightfully mine.” The ‘vertically challenged man’ replied, gesturing to the baby.
“Of course you can have him; all he does is be sick and cry. But in return, I want my Blackberry and iPod back!”
The ‘vertically challenged man’ was hesitant at first; he had taken them fairly, but soon agreed, for his want of a baby. “Okay, we can trade. But only if you can guess my name. I’ll be back in three days.”
As soon as the ‘vertically challenged man’ left the mansion grounds, the Queen immediately got onto Google and searched ‘vertically challenged man names’.
“No results” she sighed, desperately wanting back her belongings.
Three days later, as the Queen was expecting the ‘vertically challenged man’, she decided to share her problems with her followers on Twitter. As she was scrolling through her homepage, she saw a new tweet from someone called ‘Rumplestiltskin’ which read “I’m about to get me a baby guys, yay. Good times, lol!”
The Queen was overjoyed at this revelation, even if he did mean keeping her baby. After an agonising wait, the ‘vertically challenged man’ finally appeared. She showed him in, and offered him tea, and joined him in the second floor lounge.
“So, have you guessed my name yet?” The ‘vertically challenged man’ asked mockingly, “or am I taking your baby along with your Blackberry and iPod!”
The Queen gave a cunning grin, “is it Caspar? Melchior? Balthazar?”
The ‘vertically challenged man’ shook his head.
“Well, I do have one more idea…” The Queen was grinning “is it… Rumplestiltskin?”
The ‘vertically challenged man’ was horrified, and stared in disbelief. “HOW DID YOU KNOW?!” He cried, almost breaking into tears.
“I follow you on Twitter, remember?” The Queen laughed, “And by the way, you have a stupid name”. The Queen approached Rumplestiltskin with one hand reached out, and he placed her Blackberry and iPod into her hand while covering his face with the other hand. Then, unexpectedly, Rumplestiltskin bounded towards the window sill, “again with the insults! I thought Queen’s were supposed to be gracious and kind!” And with that, he hurled himself out of the window.
And that’s the story of how you almost got adopted. Goodnight darling, love you.
The End.
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ReplyDeleteThe narrative voice in ‘Rumplestiltskin’ is not that if the title character, if it the mechanic’s daughter, who later develops into the Queen. The character of the daughter is the one that the whole story revolves around; there isn’t any point of the story where the daughter isn’t with or being the main focus point as the story is either based on her, or Rumplestiltskin’s character (who is only around with the daughter) therefore having such an important, involved character doing the narrative ensures that the story has great detail to be told to the audience.
ReplyDeleteEven though there is a modern twist on the tale, the story is not something that a modern audience would be able to relate to because of the twisted characters and circumstances. The vast majority, if not the whole of the audience would have never been taken in by a King to do the impossible task of spinning copper wire into gold. Furthermore, there wouldn’t be a single person who has experienced a man breaking and entering a King’s mansion asking for electronic goods, let alone a first born child. The fact that this story is so unbelievable as real-life means that the use of description and narrative has to be used to such an effect that the audience can pick up on something that they can relate to.
The use of humour throughout the story is key, as it is used not only for entertainment factor but to contradict common stereotypes within the tale. The King is said to be using social networking sites, talking to villagers labourers, and allows them into his house for a selfish reason that he will benefit from. However, a typical view of a King from a fairy tale is that they are too prestigious and/or busy to converse with anyone of a low status, but would be seen as selfless and noble. The Queen is also an example of this, as although when greeting Rumplestiltskin she is gracious, her speech turns back into that of a teenager when she insults him. Additionally, she is more than willing to give up her baby to a complete stranger, showing a completely shocking lack of maternal instinct towards her own child. This would be a surprise to the audience because of common belief that mother’s suppose to love their children unconditionally no matter what.
The many references to hi-tech gadgets (iPhones, Blackberry’s, ect.) can be seen as a way for the audience to be able to relate to the tale. However, it may also be seen as representation of the modern world and it’s growing obsession with the use of the internet and mobile communications. In addition to this, the use of the term ‘vertically challenged man’ could be seen as an indication of how everything in modern day has to be politically correct, and how anyone seen as prejudice (The Queen’s use of the word ‘dwarf’) is challenged and corrected immediately even if it was a genuine mistake.